So I’m trying this new thing called writing for the sake of writing. Starting a blog is a really hard thing to do because you have to do this thing called posting. And that’s a really hard thing to keep up with. But if you don’t keep up with it who will read it? And if you do keep up with it who will read it?
Basically, I don’t post enough because I don’t feel like I have anything to say that’s worth reading. And anyway what’s enough? How often do you post on a blog about yourself? This is why I could never self-publish. All my self-promotion would have too many “please”s and “it would be really cool if you could read this, but only if you really want to because I wouldn’t want to impose and I know you’re really busy”s.
It’s hard to write for the sake of writing. I sit down and I say to myself “what would someone want to read?” But that’s not fair to me. This blog is for me more than it is for anyone else and I deserve to use it to document whatever I want however I want. Of course I want to build readership. Of course I want people to actually see what I post. But at the same time, if I’m too down on my writing to post anything, no one’s actually going to have anything to read.
The other problem I’m encountering in trying to find things to write is there’s far too much I’m afraid to write about. Writing about my life is terrifying. Being vulnerable is terrifying. A friend of mine mentioned the possibility of submitting things to Medium and I told her I wasn’t sure what I would write about. She said mental health was a good topic. But that’s completely terrifying.
I’ve written about my mental health on this blog before, but in very brief terms because disclosing what happens in your head is a scary thing. And of course I don’t need to do that. There are other ways to talk about mental health. But it all still seems so vulnerable. I didn’t even mention in my last update that I had started a new medication and that was one of the reasons I had completely disappeared for a while. I know I don’t need to share that, but why shouldn’t I? I think I just need to be less afraid overall when it comes to being vulnerable here. I just need to be unafraid to write, whatever comes out of it.
So I’m going to do that. I’m going to just write and post and let it happen and hope someone wants to read it. And maybe someday someone will.
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