I’m a graduate student.
I’ve briefly talked about this topic in the past but I feel the need to flesh it out a little further since it’s the main reason I tend to be inactive.
Being a grad student is hard. And I don’t even think I’m in that hard of a program. I’m in graduate school for occupational therapy which is basically rehabilitation for functional tasks like cooking, bathing, eating, working, etc. I don’t think it’s an easy program, but I don’t think it’s as hard as many others. We only have class a couple days a week rather than everyday and we spend the other days doing homework, reading, and studying. There’s a lot to know and at the end of the program we have to take a licensing exam in order to work.
On top of that I graduated from undergrad a year early so I’m still only 22 years old and getting ready to go into my second year of grad school. I’m sure that means nothing but at times it definitely makes me feel ill-equipped.
My typical school day involves waking up at 5 and catching the train at 6:45. Most days class starts at 8am and the only train that gets me there on time leaves at 6:45. Oftentimes I get home and have to study or do readings for the next day.
So this begs the question, how do I still read roughly 40 books a year and write?
I honestly don’t know.
I’ve definitely tried to make reading remain an important part of my life. I’ve made a conscious effort to read as much and as often as I can. I read on the train when I can. I tend to read while waiting for the train and (sometimes) even while walking back and forth from the train. I’m not a huge audiobook person unfortunately so this entails actually carrying 400+ page books through the streets while reading them. I also try to read for at least an hour every night. I’ve set aside a time each night dedicated to reading.
And honestly? I just like reading. I just like the feeling of being in a different world and completing so many books. In a way it makes me feel like I’m something more. The education system can be so mechanical and having something that I can do for myself makes me feel more human in a way.
So I set aside that time and I attribute enough value to it that it becomes extremely important. And when I’m dealing with such a harsh world as grad school, escaping for a while feels really good.
Writing is definitely a lot harder. Because it still feels a little more like work than reading. Trust me, I love it and it’s fun and I absolutely need to do it more. My therapist told me that, my friends have told me that, it’s something that has been super good for my mental health. But I don’t do it enough because when you work so often it can be hard to decide to sit down and work more. Once I’m in the world and the mindset I can write for hours happily most days. It’s getting in the mindset that’s hard.
And I really struggle with that.
While reading tends to find a place in my life despite school, I’m still working on that with writing. The one thing that I’ve found that helps with this is changing my mindset about writing. I need to have greater stakes when it comes to writing. It’s my focus, it’s my goal, it’s the thing that will give me everything I want in life. That’s how I try to think of it. The more I write the closer I get to finishing my book and then I can query which I never thought I would actually get to. And now I’m so close. So I need to write. And I need to recognize that more. I need to let myself lean on it more without feeling bad that I’m not doing school while I’m doing it.
School is important, but I’m allowed to take time for writing. And that’s something I’m still struggling to remember.
So how do I manage to do grad school and read and write? Not super successfully! But I’m trying. I think that’s the main thing. We try and sometimes we fail but a lot of times we don’t and we somehow end up with a manuscript. I think we all just need to accept that feeling of stumbling and pulling ourselves back up over and over. That’s kind of what writing is, especially when you have school or a day job. But I’m not willing to fully give up and I’d really like to find a way to make writing an even bigger part of my life.
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